No peace until the victims and perpetrators are not.
Both are relieved when they manage to be together. And so, the system reverts to equilibrium.
Recently, a friend died. And my personal exercise, looking at his coffin, was seen next to the person who killed him. Although it may sound harsh or weird, it was my best balancing act. They should be together. This was decided. And my best act of respect and love for your system is to look at them together, without trial.
Looking systemically:
What happens when a perpetrator is excluded? An uncle of the family X killed a man for many years. He went to jail and none of the members of his family wanted to visit, did not talk about it, felt ashamed and was excluded.
In another family, the Y, a man was killed and became a victim. The pain was so great that there was no talk of this subject. Is silent on the circumstances.
In each of these families there is an imbalance, an empty place. In the X family, the excluded is the perpetrator. In the family and the victim is excluded. What happens next?
In later generations, and to achieve balance, someone in your family look for the others it was hard to watch. And then, a family member X will look for a perpetrator, to make room for this guy murderer who was excluded. And a family member And look for a victim to its own system.
X and Y are found and the inevitable happens. And kills X. On behalf of this family loyalty and invisible each. Thus, and only then, once again victim and perpetrator can be together.
How do I fix this mess?
Giving rise to both: to the victims and perpetrators in your system. Honoring those who gave their lives looking for an excluded or watching something that no other could see. With love and pain, let the dead on the side of the dead. So that the living can do something with their lives.
Watching him, nodding to the fate of another, knowing that he died or killed is also a member and has its place.
"I leave in death. With love and pain. I honor your destination. Please look at me with love if I stay alive and do a little different. You look and look at your perpetrator. Both have a place in my heart "
Author of text: Ramirez Raiza
Gestalt Psychotherapist and Family Constellation Therapist
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